Engage brain before opening mouth...

A few weeks ago someone made a comment to me that was so completely thoughtless that I have only now been able to process it. It was a recommendation that I watch a TV series called ‘The Big C’. The reason? Because it’s ‘touching, sweet and funny’. I can’t remember how exactly those words were couched because I was so shocked.

I had colon cancer in 2006. Nothing about it is touching or funny or sweet. It was painful, uncomfortable, exhausting, embarrassing and absolutely terrifying. But very few knew that because of the stigma surrounding cancer and the reluctance of many people to talk to me about it. People don't want to know the uncomfortable truth.

The treatment was even worse. I had to take oral chemo for six months – three weeks on, one week off. On this particular drug, hair loss was not one of the many side effects. I was told so often ‘You’re lucky you didn’t lose your hair!’

Yes. Fortunately I only had to deal with nausea, diarrhoea, damaged and painful nerve endings in my hands and feet, complete exhaustion, impaired concentration, blurred vision from swollen lenses and lots more. So that was lucky. And best of all, I knew exactly which at which stage of the medication cycle everything would suddenly get worse. So it was six months of painful anticipation.

Best of all, when I was a month into the treatment, everyone around me had moved on from the initial shock. No-one really wanted to hear that I was tired, feeling ill, couldn’t walk without pain, and couldn’t see very well. They were already at the stage of, when they asked how I was feeling, all they really wanted to hear was ‘Fine thanks’. I was isolated, in pain and scared. But lucky that I didn’t lose my hair.

I sound bitter about it because I am. I tried to reach out, but was sidestepped. On top of it all I had to carry on working. I came out of hospital after my operation on a Friday and was back in the office on the Monday. In fact in the six months of treatment I took only six sick days.

I don’t know how I got through it all, but I did, and I did it myself. I fought my way though. I don’t need to be told to watch some TV sanitised view of how funny, sweet and touching it all was. I know the truth.